Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
