Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
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Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
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Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
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