Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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