We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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