I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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