I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
