Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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