it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
He passed out mid-signature
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
We're using joints as your birthday candles
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
