Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
