I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
