p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
