Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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