I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
