**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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