Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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