question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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