when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
