she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
