It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
