GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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