Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
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