he wants to bone in the snuggie
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
