His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
