3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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