i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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