At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Vodka?
Forever.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
