We named our party play list daddy issues
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
