Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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