He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Floor bacon is actually really good
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
