Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
