gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
this is an emotional support booty call
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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