so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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