pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Randomize
