so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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