That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
