You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
