The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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