i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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