somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
