youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Randomize
