Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
