when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
