i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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