Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
