New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
