I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
