is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
