Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize