I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Randomize
