hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
