So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
