those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
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