was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
