This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
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that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
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I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
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