This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
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