there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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