best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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