i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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