she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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