3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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