just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
What the fuck dude?
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.