just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I need to calm my uterus...
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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