Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
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