it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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