Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
