Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
