please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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