Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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