I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
is wine microwaveable?
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Randomize
