Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
