I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
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On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
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I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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