so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
