Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
