her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
