Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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