Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
