I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
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