im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Randomize
