I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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