You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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