But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
