We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
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