this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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