if i can run in heels then i can drive
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
