There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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