so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Randomize
