Nicole vs. Life
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
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