thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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