my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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