I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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