i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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