Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize
