He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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